Generosity to Others vs. Ourselves

Where is the line between what we owe others and what we owe ourselves?

Recently I stayed up later than I would have liked talking to a grieving friend, even though I needed to wake up early the next morning. On the flip side, it’s not clear to me that I should have just listened to my need and gone to sleep, abandoning my friend.

I’ve been following the news — what do I owe people in causes I care about, such as Sudanese, Palestinians, so much conflict in the world? I have a responsibility to enjoy my life but also help others in need. I’m also struck by my sense of powerlessness in these situations — so should I push them out of my mind?

I understand that some might be shouting at this screen that I should just listen to my conscience. But is that so easy an answer? Conscience is hard to hear, and for so many people, what we “hear” can be ultimately self-serving.

If we really think about it, there isn’t an easy answer.

And that’s exactly what I like about this dilemma.

I like that there is no reassurance of a sunny formula. I think the only answer is that we need to look beyond ourselves for the answer, toward positive examples of selflessness than challenge us, from current times, history and lore.

I’m convinced that the question really has no answer, since surely the right balance must depend on each situation. And we would have no guarantee that we have arrived at the perfect balance, since another better balance might have been possible. For that reason, believing we have the answer is perhaps the most dangerous thing.

Uncertainty is where the truth lies.

All we have is hope that we’ve found the right balance of generosity to ourselves and to others. Really, ultimately, a kind of prayer.

Image credit: Annie Spratt on unsplash